Save some cash on Healthy Choice Sweet Asian Potstickers...

...or any other Healthy Choice frozen meal. One of their marketing folks emailed me this link to a coupon that they will be posting at midnight for $5 off 5 frozen meals. That would make them less than a dollar each @ WalMart.

Top Ten Wrestlers of the Decade

Here are the top ten wrestlers of the aughts based on in-ring performance, overall mic skills, and actual entertainment value for a fan of southern NWA rasslin and the late 90s Attitude era. Note that I'm not paying that much attention to undeserved title pushes (John Cena, Batista) and real-world indiscretions (Chris Benoit, drug users).

1. Chris Jericho
2. Kurt Angle
3. Chris Benoit
4. Edge
5. Christian
6. Rob Van Dam
7. Shawn Michaels
8. Jeff Hardy
9. Eddie Guerrero
10. Tie: CM Punk & Undertaker

Hon mention: Victoria (aka Tara), Samoa Joe, The Rock, Triple H

Mario can suck it

I've been playing New Super Mario Bros. for Wii---a Christmas gift---the past couple of days and I'm totally remembering why I hate many platform games, especially those of the Mario franchise.

1) Jumping. I've got decent hand-eye coordination, but I ain't got no rhythm. This timed jump crap always results in death for my character.

2) Saving. If you lose enough, you have to start the world over. No saving of individual levels. I hate repetition need longer to get my groove.

3) Turtles. O Rly?



4) Hammer Brothers. Why can't I use those guys? They are badass.

After my most recent fail, I let loose a rant that went something like this: "I hate this (profanities deleted) and their stupid Fiat-driving (profanities deleted) and no wonder Amanda Knox (profanities deleted) 'til Silvio Berlusconi & the starting XI for Lazio (profanities deleted) and then I'll travel back in time and give Hannibal AK-47s."

One thing is for sure. On my birthday, I'm asking for SmackDown! vs. Raw 2010 and some Wii points to DL Ocarina of Time.

Swingers in Mason County?

WSAZ is shocked, SHOCKED!!! to find out that there is some sort of sex club club in Apple Grove.

While some might say that they should mind their own business and not be concerned about the activities of consenting adults in a private environment, I'm just glad that they've gotten out of the funk of only reporting the events at the Cabell County Courthouse (because true crime is the highest form of journalism) and John Marra's front yard (are your magnolias wilting?), which seems to be the scope of their coverage since the Gray Communications takeover.

Hey, at least they still have the best weather coverage...

Week 16 NFL Picks

Charger @ Titans
Broncos @ Eagles
Chiefs @ Bengals
Bills @ Falcons
Raiders @ Browns
Panthers @ Giants
Seahawks @ Packers
Texans @ Dolphins
Buccaneers @ Saints
Jaguars @ Patriots
Ravens @ Steelers
Rams @ Cardinals
Lions @ 49ers
Jets @ Colts
Cowboys @ Redskins
Vikings @ Bears

Week 16 NFL Picks (Xmas Day Game)

Chargers @ Titans

My picks for the rest of the games will be up as soon as I get some sleep.

Storm of the decade? My ass. Part II

Due to the mega super snow storm that hit everywhere but western Cabell County, we had a great chance to do some crowd-free shopping at Target on the last Saturday before Christmas. Folks from Lincoln, Putnam, & Wayne Counties and eastern KY that would usually be @ The Bull's Eye buying last minute goodies were totally trapped in a foot or more of powder while Huntington & Barboursville had a couple of inches of slush. Take a look:


Other than the festive decor, you would think it was 10 AM on a Tuesday in March.

Storm of the decade? Not for us. Shopping trip of the season? For sure.

Storm of the decade? My ass.

Friday afternoon and evening, folks in Huntington had to hear Tony Cavalier & Co. preaching more doom and gloom than a late-night TV preacher. While everyone else got hammered, here was ouR disappointing snowfall:



hmmph.

Guinness Clarke's Wine

Here is a new video from a gone-but-not-forgotten Huntington/Charleston band, Guinness Clarke's Wine:

Week 15 NFL Picks

Last week: 11-5 Season: 132-176

This week:

Colts @ Jaguars
Cowboys @ Saints
Texans @ Rams
Packers @ Steelers
Falcons @ Jets
Cardinals @ Lions
Bears @ Ravens
Patriots @ Bills
Dolphins @ Titans
49ers @ Eagles
Browns @ Chiefs
Raiders @ Broncos
Bengals @ Chargers
Buccaneers @ Seahawks
Vikings @ Panthers
Giants @ Redskins

Bring Bobby Back?

I have a little something for the folks in Huntington who want to see Bobby Pruett (or Jim Donnan) dusted off and brought back to coach the Marshall Thundering Herd football team to ponder.

In the aftermath of a breakup with a boy/girlfriend, have you ever got back together with a previous ex on the rebound?

How'd that work out?

I thought so. It's time for some "strange" (i.e. Central Michigan's Butch Jones or an up-'n-coming coordinator).

What's that big wrapped box under the tree?

My three year-old's main Xmas gift, Jabba's Rancor!

WWE TLC Preview

As part of a continuing effort to rub shit in the faces of fans of Bobby Eaton, Arn Anderson, and the Rock 'n Roll Express, WWE is offering another gimmick-themed PPV. This month, the main event matches are all based on tables, ladders, and/or chairs.

Ladder match for the ECW Championship: Christian (C) vs. Shelton Benjamin

Ladder matches usually are pretty solid in terms of providing for great spots and since neither Christian nor Benjamin are "spot monkeys," there should be room for some great buildup and psychology in this match. With the ECW brand looking to be put out of its misery in the next few months, this could be an audition to see is Christian can be a main eventer in one of the other brands and for Benjamin to get back into the upper midcard on Raw or Smackdown. I'm guessing Christian wins after a solid match.

Kofi Kingtston vs. Randy Orton

No way is WWE gonna let Orton lose cleanly to Kingston right now, so I bet either Orton will get the win or Kofi will get the nod via DQ.

Women's Championship: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James

James is pretty good, but the Diva section of the roster is more about looks than talent. I'm guessing that McCool will be booked to win and keep this "mean girl" taunting angle (calling James "Piggie James") going for another month.

Intercontinental Championship: John Morrison (C) vs. Drew McIntyre

Hopefully this will be a solid bout that both of them a push. I wouldn't be surprised to see McIntyre win the belt with some sort of cheating with Morrison later getting some more cred with a good showing in next month's Royal Rumble.

Tables, ladders, & chairs match for the Unified Tag Team Championship: JeriShow (C) vs. DX

TLC matches can be exciting and anything that Chris Jericho touches usually is awesome. I'm guessing (and hoping) that DX wins so that Jericho can get a decent singles run and DX can be temporarily put out of our their misery with a 17th breakup angle.

Tables match for the WWE Championship: John Cena (C) vs. Sheamus

Can Super Cena use hand gestures, no-selling, and limited talent to overcome yet another monster heel? (Hint: he has been taped with the belt for a match on NBC that airs after the PPV).

Chair match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Undertaker (C) vs. Batista

A few days after an autopsy report for former wrestler superstar Andrew "Test" Martin revealed that he suffered from brain damage similar to Chris Benoit's, how does WWE keep it classy? By having a chair match! My guess is that Undertaker comes out with the win over Botchtista with Rey Mysterio getting into the mix somehow. As much as I hate it when promotions park the belt on a guy over the age of 40 for an extended period, Deacon Dave can't even jerk off without tearing a pectoral muscle.

Match of the night: Christian vs. Benjamin

MVP: Chris Jericho

Most to gain: Drew McIntyre

Goat: Batista

Week 14 NFL Picks

Last week I was a craptacular 7-9 for a season total of 121-71. This week:

Steelers @ Browns
Broncos @ Colts
Rams @ Titans
Bengals @ Vikings
Lions @ Ravens
Seahawks @ Texans
Saints @ Falcons
Packers @ Bears
Jets @ Buccaneers
Panthers @ Patriots
Dolphins @ Jaguars
Bills @ Chiefs
Redskins @ Raiders
Chargers @ Cowboys
Eagles @ Giants
Cardinals @ 49ers

Old School

Watch live video from slapnut_v4 on Justin.tv

Fake Heisman Trophy Ballot

Much like the Television Academy and the Pro Football Hall of Fame, the Downtown Athletic Club has yet again forgot to mail a ballot to West Virginia's 7th most popular sports, sitcom, and fast food blog. To counter this error, here is the ballot that I'm sending in on the back of a receipt from Family Dollar:

1. Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska. I know that the Heisman is really an award for the best offensive back on an undefeated team, but Suh is still the best football player not playing in the NFL.

2. Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford. He is a running back, but only on an above average team and not one of the elite programs, but he is still the top college back in the country.

3. Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama. He has had almost as good of a season as Gerhart and is on a team in the BCS championship game.

4. Colt McCoy, QB, Texas. A true leader that might very well lead his team to a national title.

5. Tim Tebow, QB, Florida. He'd probably be 3rd on my ballot if the Gators had won against the Tide. That said, Tebow won't win it this year, but he'll carry a Heisman from his sophomore year into what should be a solid pro career.
.

World Cup Smack Talk: "Pwn Brittania"

The US has been drawn in the same group as England for the 2010 World Cup, so it our solemn patriotic duty to talk shit on cousins across the pond. Since it is soccer and Euro footy fans like singing silly songs, lemme drop this joint on one of their national songs that hearkens back to their vaguely-remembered glory:

"Pwn Britannia!
Those soccer-playin' knaves,
England's goalies ne'er can make saves!"

"Pwn Britannia
Meet our football Braves,
Bes' go hide inyer cheddar agin' caves."

Y'all might be the favorites, but we're ready to cause some headaches and early exits. Bring it, window-lickers.

Now my interns have to go study up on Algeria and Slovenia to find some dirt on them, which may be difficult, 'cause no one gives a rat's ass about Slovenia or Algeria...

Frozen Food Review: Lean Cuisine Asian-Style Pot Stickers

At WalMart I usually but a Healthy Choice Sweet Asian Pot Sticker or two every week for lunch. A couple of doors over, I've noticed that Lean Cuisine has pot sticker meal that costs about $.70 more, so it must be better, right?

No.

The Lean Cuisine pot stickers have a meat-based filling that tastes like the poorly spiced mechanically-retrieved chicken found in Cambodian prison-grade egg rolls. The sauce tastes like the same Americanized "Asian" sauce that has been in crappy frozen Chinese-ish meals since 1946 except this version has been "pepped up" (if you'd call it that) with too much powdered ginger. Even the pasta won-ton thing had a sort of rubber taste and texture.

Stick to the Healthy Choice and save six bits (and your taste buds).
1 out of 5 Warner Olands.

Week 13 NFL Picks

Last week I went 10-6 for a season total of 114-62. This week:

Jets @ Bills
Lions @ Bengals
Patriots @ Dolphins
Raiders @ Steelers
Titans @ Colts
Rams @ Bears
Broncos @ Chiefs
Buccaneers @ Panthers
Texans @ Jaguars
Saints @ Redskins
Eagles @ Falcons
Chargers @ Browns
Cowboys @ Giants
49ers @ Seahawks
Vikings @ Cardinals
Ravens @ Packers

Goodwill Goes to Pot

Someone in Marietta, OH tried to donate $1,500 worth of low-grade marijuana to Goodwill.

Naturally, they called the cops.

Apparently, Goodwill only accepts nugs.